The Ten Commandments Of Happiness - Living In Harmony With Yourself

I read a book the other day,

God came out the sky.

He answered all our questions...

What, and How, and Why.

He said "Be happy", said "Be free",

That contradicts what some believe,

But God knows more about these things than I.

These words come from a song I wrote a few years back, at a time when I was analyzing my own life - freeing myself from some personal demons and trying to understand the destructive and debilitating patterns of human thought and behavior.

I consider myself a happy person - in general. But even with what I consider to be profound insights into my own psyche, I have to battle daily with feelings of discontent, frustration, envy, regret, aggressiveness, dissatisfaction, worry and doubt... leaving me hunkering after, and striving in a frenzied haste for an ever quicker way to realize a better life - a better me.

These negative emotions have a strong grip on steering my life, and I hate them. But at the same time I can understand that they are just "patterns", and the only way to change them is to create new patterns - of thought, of reaction, of belief - and to practise these new patterns daily. I'm not alone in this - most people have their demons, most are struggling to maintain their "sense of self" while actively fulfilling their role as part of the machinery of our society. And as we lose ourselves in that machine - become the machine - we adopt its patterns, its concerns, its goals, its desires, its visions... we lose ourselves. And we need ourselves to make us happy,.

Now suppose God did come down from the sky, and order us to be happy... What would His instructions be? And would we (could we) then follow His instructions. Would we take control over our lives, our destiny and our sense of "well-being"? I know it isn't always easy to be or feel happy - but it is.. simple! Here are the 10 Commandments of Happiness as I believe them to be.

When you accept the responsibility for every aspect of your own life from this moment on, you free yourself from restraints put upon you by the beliefs and wishes of others. You take control of your life and can choose to make the changes you need to steer you towards your own dreams and goals. This takes courage - it's so easy to be a victim and blame other factors for anything that's not right in your life. But by acknowledging your own responsibility, you learn to focus on what you can do to make things right, instead of on things that went wrong. Only you can solve your problems, only you know what you need, only you know what is right for you. Claim responsibility for your life, and respect the responsibility of others for their own lives.

Self knowledge - reflect on everything you do, and learn to uncover the true reasons for your actions, your reactions, your decisions, your choices. Are these applied consciously, or are they the results of patterns of thought and patterns of belief - patterns that steer you unconsciously towards an inflexible manner of being? Do you do things through a sense of duty or expectation, through a sense of fear or the promise of reward? Where lies your true motivation for doing as you do?

Who's life are you really living? The life your parents devised, hoped for, or prepared you for... the life your peers are living and expect you to share... the life that society demands of you... the life you stumbled into and never bothered to change...? Or are you living your own life, according to your own desires and beliefs and dreams and goals (your own dreams and goals), in your own way? Let others live their lives in their way - you are unique and individual... you are free to follow your own path.

Dreams inspire you towards a life beyond the mundane, and remind you of who you are, who you can be, and where your heart and true passions lie. Give them up, and you give up in believing that you are more than you have been up to now - that your life (and life in general) can ever be more than it is now. Dreams are not goals, they are visions, and a glimpse of your true potential.

No life is perfect. We may envy others for their lives, their achievements, and ours may pale in comparison. But we can never know the full story - and they may envy us for their own reasons. It is easy to focus only on the negative things in our lives - it's like having toothache and trying to focus on all the other teeth that don't hurt. But with practice, you will learn to see the good more and more clearly. Redress the balance, pay attention to the good - for the bad has its own voice.

Remind yourself daily that you are unique - an individual - no-one in the whole world is like you. Know that you are constantly growing and learning - about yourself, about others, about the world and life. Know your strengths as well as your weaknesses - accept them as uniquely you, and only work to change aspects of yourself if they improve the good in you. Find the harmony and balance in yourself and you'll learn to see the harmony and balance in all life.

Regret (as worry) has no practical purpose but to make us feel bad about ourselves. Ban it from your life. You can still acknowledge mistakes you've made, and learn from those mistakes - but you can't change the past. And would you really want to. Take the time to look closely at your life as it is at this precise moment. Think of just one thing you have in your life now that you are truly and everlastingly thankful for (a piece of insight, a memory, an experience, a person...) - something that you would never want to have missed out on - then take the time to realize that everything you've ever done, every decision you ever made, every step you took has brought you to this moment and this place, where you have that one thing you would never want to be without. How can you possibly regret that? How can you be anything other than grateful for every step that brought you here?

We believe we should face our fears to overcome them. I believe we should free them. Why make our lives difficult - why struggle to climb a wall when we could find another route? Many, if not all of your fears are unfounded. If you look at where you are today and you can feel "relatively" unscathed, then you have arrived here despite all the obstacles you've encountered... despite your previous fears , worries and problems. Nothing has completely debilitated you, nothing has been so hard that you have not been able to get through it - and that applies most certainly to what is yet to come.

So when you feel fear or anxiety for something in your life right now, something you have to face or deal with or get through, have faith in the ability and strength within you, that has brought you so far already. Dismiss the fears, let them go, set them free... and tackle all of your obstacles with a sense of curiosity and confidence.

Often we feel burdened with animosity towards others due to what we see as emotional injury caused by them. However much we believe they are the cause of our distress, they are not the problem - we are. We hold grudges, we pass the blame, we play the victim. We cannot be accountable for their actions, we can only be responsible for how we let those actions affect us. We cannot change the other person, we cannot change the events, we can only protect ourselves from continuing damage. We have to learn to forgive - and if we can't do that, we have to learn to forget... the person, or the event.

Many people who are part of our lives at this moment, are only part for a temporary period - they are not our lives! We can arrange our lives in such a way that they no longer play a major role - or any role. And when they are out, then we can focus on regaining control of our own lives - leaving them behind, in their lives... without us.

Who cannot be in awe of the total wonder of being here - of just existing? Whether it be by the hand of God, or an incredible stroke of scientific fortune, we are here, in this unfathomably huge and magnificent universe.

Gaze up at a starry sky and try to conceive the expanse and age of it. Look at a flower or tree or insect or bird, or whale, or yourself, and try to understand the essence of the wonder of its existence. We take too much for granted and this is a shame, because if we can maintain that sense of wonder, then we can more easily place our daily cares and woes in true, relative context.

Life is a journey, and you don't know where you will end up until your life stops. You can't put a value on our life until it is over, and "it's not over 'til it's over!"

If you set goals, know that they are beacons to guide you on your way. Some you may reach, others you won't. It doesn't matter because you are in constant motion. If you concern yourself only with reaching these goals, you will not give yourself the time just to enjoy the journey. However, if you make the journey your goal, then you will be able to reach it, and savor it, every single moment.